So Kay and I have a serious conversation last night about when we will travel to India for a fresh transfer. Because of the farm Kay can't leave at certain times of the year. So we were discussing when we can leave and, crossing our fingers, when can we return 9 months later to bring home our newest family member? Mid February to Beginning of June is a no go, and end of July to October are stay at home months. That leaves the beginning of February to travel for a fresh transfer and, crossing toes now, with all the luck and hope in the world traveling in November to bring baby home. Now these dates mean that #1 we get lucky and take the first time #2 our future surromom is able to carry to term. This also gives a bit of give time for a second attempt. That in mind I want to be able to pay for a complete success by the time we travel to India. I don't want surprises, and I don't want to be stuck without money. But we are young; we have only been married for a year and are still paying for my student loans and the house. Add the major house repairs that were desperately needed last summer and the ones this summer I am not sure how I can salvage together the needed funds by February. As Kay points out that if we can't by February then we will need to wait a whole year to try again. I am not sure how I feel about this. I am shocked that so many families are able to afford attempt after attempt for years, or that they try for years just to not succeed. I think about how I felt being told that to see a fertility specialist in our area was a 9 month wait and that was with my Doctor writing a letter saying it was immediate. Or then to be told by the fertility specialist that there was nothing he could do to help me and maybe a specialist 16 hours away might help but that’s another 6 month waiting list before they even call you!
Do you remember when you were a kid and you would look down the empty roll of toilet paper or paper towel? That it seemed like a long way down that dark tunnel before you say daylight. That’s how I feel right now. And my tunnel keeps getting longer and longer. First no one would help me, then we can’t afford to start right away, and finally the farm dictates when we can go. People who have done this for so long must be very strong people.
On a side note I was shocked and happy to see other people commenting on my blog. I started this to track how I felt, maybe give the address to my family when we were ready (so they could stay informed) and maybe make a few friends for when we go to India. I would love to comment on your questions but I am still learning how to. Don't worry I will get the hang of it!
Dear Jean, i felt exactly like you are feeling now before starting and to add to my own stress, my husband hasnt contributed a dime as he says there is no guarantee but nothing is life is guaranteed and because of the burning desire to have our own little ones we just do things we would never have thought possible. I have been working extra hours and it got to a point that i wont see my husband for a week at a stretch. he reported me to my parents that i was killing myself. i had to tell them that i was aging fast and needed to act, my mum was king enough to give me some money and i joined a work scheme which gave you back 10% of you ivf expenses. In UK, there is nothing like IVF insurance. As it is now, i am still on my way home to UK from India where i had the deed done and all am thinking about is how to make money to pay for the whole process because it actually gulp more money than you think!Have you thought about shipping your husbands semen to india while you go alone so that both of you wont be absent from home? I an NOT strong at all but we all have to hang in there to have our own kids. I wish you the best of luck.
ReplyDeleteWe have been saving for quite a while and it's all the 'little'things that have seemed to be adding up! - extra GP visits, extra meds etc etc etc. Luckily with Dr Shivani it's paid in increments - so we're able to save with each successful attempt.
ReplyDeleteI've not told anyone about my blog - family or friends. I think I'll tell them when we actually get a positive outcome....We're heading over in NOvember and so far as far as everyone know's we're going for a 'holiday'.....I don't particularly like 'lying'but I really don't like ppl constantly asking about my fertility either, so for me I found the best form, was to say nothing at all. As for being strong.....well I suppose if you want something enough you have to try and try again!!. I find writing on here and reading other's ppl's blogs as a real source of inspiration. Hang in there.
Hi Jean
ReplyDeleteThis whole business is exhausting and financialy crippling but somehow you will work it out and achieve your dream. Determination is the key and you have to be really strong. I don't tell family or friends about my blog till we were 6 weeks positive.
Take care
Avey