4 Months!

So I find it hard to write a posting for my blog. I found all the support I got just so amazing, I actually started to cry (several times). I blame it on the hormones, I can't watch a commercial or listen to the radio without crying. Its weird this is so not me. Kay just teases me and tells me that finally I am the girl in the relationship (he cries in movies). Well today I hit 4 months! So happy, I can't believe I made it this far. So far JJ is doing awesome, hes growing great, has a heart rate of 160 bpm and I have not had any cramping or bleeding since December. My doctor says that's a good sign but we are not allowed to have sex till I hit month 5 just in case. I did get expected and shocking news on Thursday from my doctor. The last set of tests shows my cancer has started to spread. So far JJ is not at risk but I have to go see a specialist in 2 weeks to talk about treatment and options. This doctor will be able to give me a better idea of how far it has spread and when JJ may be at risk. We knew this was a possibility and I am ready to deal with it. Friday it my first official day of Mat Leave. I have been pulled from the ambulance service to possible complications, I don't really mind since this means I get better sleep and eat regular meals. I also started me job as a librarian on the 9th. Its new, easy, and frustrating at the same time. But it will be good for myself and JJ in the long run. Very unexpectedly I had to inform my principle that I was 4 months pregnant. I heard a rumour in town that there was a case of fifth disease at the school, this can cause miscarriages in pregnant women. So I called him Friday night and asked if it was true. He told me it was nothing to worry about that most people get over it fast and I had nothing to worry about that only pregnant women need to worry. Then there was a long pause on the phone and he asked me if there was reason to worry. I told him I was 4 months pregnant and it is a problem. I think I shocked him, since I am not showing at all and am in fact still losing weight. But he was very understanding and quickly organised that I had Monday off to talk to my doctor. I went in on Saturday and found out I have the antibodies and am completely safe. After he kept asking me if I was 2 months pregnant or 2 and a half. He also assured me that my pregnancy would not affect my job prospects and he congratulated me. I am glad I have him as a supervisor, I know he will make the next few months very easy for me.
I am continually glad to read about all of the growing babies and want to pass on baby dust to all those hopefuls out there. I spend time every day scanning posts to follow how people are doing. I have also found that so many out there are great at doing research and finding the best baby products and tips. I will definitely be needing that soon since we will start picking up baby items in a month (I need to see the specialist and have 1 more ultrasound before we announce we are pregnant).
Good luck to everyone out there!

New Year Uncertain Direction

I started this blog to follow our journey as we stepped into Gestational Surrogacy in India. But now I am so confused, we did the impossible and won the lottery, I am due July 3. I felt that when I started this Blog I was so welcomed into the Surrogacy community, with open hearts and arms. I felt that I had found a community to openly share our sorrow, hopes and dreams with. A place where I could document our progress. Yet now I am unsure. I have never felt anything but support and kindness from everyone I have encountered. But I am  not sure how I fit into this community anymore. We did the impossible and are expecting JJ in July and I feel like every time I post I am insulting these wonderful members of this community. Ever pregnancy change, every ultrasound I feel as if I am rubbing misfortune in your faces. When we had our scare 2 weeks ago the most support we received was from this wonderful blog community. My mom said it was nothing, my in laws are terrified and want me on bed rest and my sister told me not to be such a complainer and suck it up. But I got helpful suggestions, words of encouragement and honest understanding from those out there in blogger land. This is why I am torn. I feel as if I should keep telling our story not just to follow through with what I started but for my own mental health. Just the act of writing about our scare made me feel better. I think I am going to need that. But I am not sure and so confused right now. I quess I better make a decision soon.