Flaming Hoops to Jump through

So I had a very frustrating experience today. I got the list of blood work that Dr. Shavani wanted and had my GP order the tests, no big deal. Now comes getting the results. I spend a lot of time at hospitals for work and I travel to different hospitals all over the area. So I am at this very remote hospital and after having my monthly Progesterone test done I asked for a copy of my recent blood results. Well this became a huge issue with them wanted to know why I wanted the results, them refusing to give me my results, them accusing me of trying to change my results to trick my doctor and finally the Administrative assistant of the hospital tell me in 5 different ways in sentences back to back that I should really go and see my doctor and he can explain my results to him and why do I want them without my doctor seeing them with me. But I just kept smiling and saying it is my legal right to see my blood tests and that I want them to please print a copy and that no I will not be leaving today without them. I had to force myself to maintain a relaxed posture, to smile and not get that stone face glare I use on difficult patients. Here is the best part, they called my GP and asked him if I could have the results (so against the rules) so his nurse calls me and asks what is going on. I explained to her in short form that the people in this hospital were putting up hoops for no reason. She agreed and faxed me the paperwork to bypass them. It was too funny. But I find it amazing how many hoops we have to jump through. And it’s amazing that these glorified secretaries and lab techs were so insistent on knowing why I wanted the results. I honestly felt like telling them "Because I can't get pregnant and have to go to India to have another person carry my baby to term and I need these results to find out if I am a good candidate or if we may need an egg donor as well!" hmmm maybe it would have been funny to watch their faces. But then again I have to work with these people and I know how gossip spreads.
On a side note Kay finally told his youngest sister that our adoption was not happening. We have told my sibling and my parents and his parents (we try to do it in person so they feel more free to ask questions). Now I am not a violent person by any means, but I wanted to reach out and bitch slap her so hard. He told her that the adoption was not going to happen and her response was "Good now you can start trying the natural way, I heard that’s way easier!". At this time friends were walking in the door so we couldn't continue the conversation but later when she and I were left to clean up the kitchen alone I decided to clarify her misconception about it being way easier. Now Kay and I have decided not to tell anyone about our plans, we are simply going to go on a vacation to India and if success maybe in the second trimester we might tell a few close friends.
I explained to her that because adoption was no longer possible that we are not able to have kids, that I cannot have kids, "it’s not going to happen I can't have kids" were my exact words.

"Oh" she says "is that because you have endometriosis? Because that can be fixed.".

I didn't feel like elaborating to her, "No its not".

Her response "Because my friend had that and she had kids, maybe you just need a better doctor".

I could barely look at her the rest of the evening. I don't feel like telling her our problems and I don't want her telling me how I just need a different doctor. There I have ranted about her and I am done with it. Trust me she’s not a saint, it seems as soon as she found out that I wasn't going to leave her brother (while we were dating) she stopped putting any effort into being nice to me. Kay tries hard to stop her open rudeness to me but the only way to stop it is to confront her and if I do it she will just assume I am a cow and I know that he doesn't want to because he doesn't want to hurt his sister.
Wow it feels so much better to let that out. Sorry for the rant about my SIL. Needed to let it out, or bitch slap her. I think ranting this way will hurt less feeling.
So I am still trying to find out how to post comments on people’s blogs. I am a slow learner give me time. But I did want to let two people in particular know how excited I am for them. Temmytango I have every toe and finger crossed for you. I get up every morning and check your blog for results. I don't go to bed without checking and hoping for you. Please know that I am sending all my positive thoughts to you right now! And to Rasta Less Traveled Duane and Bernadette I am so excited to your Betas! Yes Mondays are now good days!

When to start?

So Kay and I have a serious conversation last night about when we will travel to India for a fresh transfer. Because of the farm Kay can't leave at certain times of the year. So we were discussing when we can leave and, crossing our fingers, when can we return 9 months later to bring home our newest family member? Mid February to Beginning of June is a no go, and end of July to October are stay at home months. That leaves the beginning of February to travel for a fresh transfer and, crossing toes now, with all the luck and hope in the world traveling in November to bring baby home. Now these dates mean that #1 we get lucky and take the first time #2 our future surromom is able to carry to term. This also gives a bit of give time for a second attempt. That in mind I want to be able to pay for a complete success by the time we travel to India. I don't want surprises, and I don't want to be stuck without money. But we are young; we have only been married for a year and are still paying for my student loans and the house. Add the major house repairs that were desperately needed last summer and the ones this summer I am not sure how I can salvage together the needed funds by February. As Kay points out that if we can't by February then we will need to wait a whole year to try again. I am not sure how I feel about this. I am shocked that so many families are able to afford attempt after attempt for years, or that they try for years just to not succeed. I think about how I felt being told that to see a fertility specialist in our area was a 9 month wait and that was with my Doctor writing a letter saying it was immediate. Or then to be told by the fertility specialist that there was nothing he could do to help me and maybe a specialist 16 hours away might help but that’s another 6 month waiting list before they even call you!
Do you remember when you were a kid and you would look down the empty roll of toilet paper or paper towel? That it seemed like a long way down that dark tunnel before you say daylight. That’s how I feel right now. And my tunnel keeps getting longer and longer. First no one would help me, then we can’t afford to start right away, and finally the farm dictates when we can go. People who have done this for so long must be very strong people.
On a side note I was shocked and happy to see other people commenting on my blog. I started this to track how I felt, maybe give the address to my family when we were ready (so they could stay informed) and maybe make a few friends for when we go to India. I would love to comment on your questions but I am still learning how to. Don't worry I will get the hang of it!  

Building Links

So this morning I woke up to find a wonderful e-mail from Margarida. We then spent the next hour e-mailing back and forth making sure all my tests and paper work was in for Dr. Shivani to go over. Margarida works with DR. Shavani at SCI via e-mail helping new clients. I have to say I have now written directly withMegan, Kerrie and Margarida and all these women have helped so much! I feel so much better about being a Canadian and using SCI after talking to Kerrie. I feel less stressed about myself and MacKay in India (for a fresh harvest and hopefully with fingers crossed and toes crossed to pick up a beautiful miracle bably) since we are both Celiac and have some other food allergies, one of which is starting to compromise my breathing when I eat it. She explained about living in an apartment and making her own food, vs what I have from other blogs from people who stayed in a hotel and ate only resturant food. I also read her blog and am now taking notes on where to shop!
I think the part of my conversation with Margarida that made me smile the most was hearing about her other children and getting to tell her about my boys Newman and Lee. I will have to post pictures of them soon. As Margarida says you can never have too many cats! A woman after my own heart!

Starting off

So I decided to start writing this blog to try and keep track of what we go through to make our family. About a month ago Kay and I decided to try the surrogacy route. We have been told that only through IVF can we ever conceive and based on family history carrying to term will be very difficult. So we were at a point where we were about to give up on kids and just travel. I was searching the internet to find different vacation packages and found an ad for fertility treatment in Thailand. After reading it and further research I found that some people take the surrogacy route in India. I did my research and talked to a few references. I was nervous about going this route but after talking to Kerrie and Mark I felt much more comfortable. So now the paperwork, blood tests and discussions have to start. Small steps towards making our family even bigger.